Memories into scars

  I am Sorry Saju.  A tiny little heart speaks to me,  I am Sorry Saju.  Why are u so naive...  Why do u want to hide in cave? Is this the real You? Is this what you want to do? U have dreams Has it just come melting creams? Why are you being so innocent? Feeling none along in adjacent Its all-around  being so fake For how long will you take. Hey Saju, shake and wake Live for urself, for your sake People took away ur spaces They have your traces Its your time Be your own shine Its best to keep on trying Just than crying I am there Saju, We will together grow you and u will be the first choice of who because I am there for you <3

 I wish I wasn’t left alone. My thoughts keep on screaming in the emptiness of my loneliness. They keep on scratching and crushing, without a good hand to hold back to what seems to be happy. My smiles and touches of laughter have turned into a temporary bliss. I wished … I really wish, can t it last a little more. Just a little more that, I don’t want to just suddenly fall back from the darkness I came from. I wish… I wish, why am  I not a given the chance to enjoy the happiness… It s presence… Its touch… Its essence……….. Happy curves and the glow on my face…. Aah... I often forget how to smile naturally, without posing…….. Why…do I get attached to it very soon……In their eyes, I see a lack of love….. I just give away….My emotions to warm them..To feel that… someone is genuinely der to ask how ur day was……..what are u feeling rite now….. it is okay to be not okay…….. Just a call away… just a text away………. Ahh.. Those real human emotions… to smile… to laugh…….. to cry… weep…....

Don't you feel messed up? I completely do. In a dilemma now, what and who.... At times I tell just shut up. You know something Shutting up is something I can't cling Maybe I may not speak out But every single time the inner me shouts. Really I am blessed I don't have problems as many  But I am in a mess Feeling dirty and uncanny. I have dreams Soar them to reality my conscience screams.. But I don't know why  My body ends up in cry. People around for small talks, Feel good for a just a block Why man... U don't need to show It's not necessary just to know But somewhere I wished Whom I wanted to be cared by Just at least slipped dm with a "Hi" And say how much we missed. Things have changed I am but still engaged People have left places  But I still wish for that spaces But now I want them to be decayed And burnt forever  With not even ashes be stayed. As if we existed for never. The rage in the fire pushed me I know I will come out free Never to kneel d...

It's rare to see true Faces, damn, it's really few. It's painful to see the change, And makes it harder to engage. Aah, why do they do, I wonder, without a clue. The feeling to know now, what? Doubts whether ,this or that? U may say I should leave But I just try to believe It's just phase... Still it's not my first case..  Every time I know I am fooled My eyes pooled. But those days are really cold I rather stop, to unfold. How can they fake? Killing innocent trust in every take. How can this profit? With poisonous lies as spits. Wished to point out it every single time  But finally I was always said to Get OUT!!!

My pillows are the witness For my eyes wetness. Every day, it starts But doesn't tell me how to stop. My face always have a glow Trying to hide the low Happily none came to know And still , it is in a flow. My eyelashes drenched And mind wrenched, Looking out for a cheer To pull me out of the fears. The nights are a pain Sleepless with mouth shut Nothing to gain But making me more insane. My eyes look weak Hence, specs became my freak I started falling ill Woke up with thought to self- kill. My tears couldn't hold But I am trying to be bold It's been long time this way But none noticed to say. It really hurts I am sick But Want to convert To happy kick.  Will I live for that? Or my tears would be unread?

Today is a very special day for me....Means one of the day when hardwork , dedication , hell lot of patience and chunks of humiliation, finally brought the results. I got the recognition of my work from the person I wanted from. The 10th day of June month of the year 2021. The person who was my cause of writing , said to me today to keep it going. The most appreciated words which I was desperate for. Almost 1 yr ago started writing.... I was little heart broken then. I realised that writing was a ventilation to my pains and thoughts. The person had blogspot, seeing their posts ...I also felt like writing... One day to express my gratitude I shared one of the link of my post, they said, that not to share it again... It made me really sad again... I was in an agony....  Further I didn't feel like writing.... but I used to follow their post.My comments on their posts got deleted ,it was excruciating...but still ones a fan always a fan.... Atleast once a week I checked for a new post i...