I wish I wasn't left alone

 I wish I wasn’t left alone. My thoughts keep on screaming in the emptiness of my loneliness. They keep on scratching and crushing, without a good hand to hold back to what seems to be happy. My smiles and touches of laughter have turned into a temporary bliss. I wished … I really wish, can t it last a little more. Just a little more that, I don’t want to just suddenly fall back from the darkness I came from. I wish… I wish, why am  I not a given the chance to enjoy the happiness… It s presence… Its touch… Its essence……….. Happy curves and the glow on my face…. Aah... I often forget how to smile naturally, without posing……..

Why…do I get attached to it very soon……In their eyes, I see a lack of love….. I just give away….My emotions to warm them..To feel that… someone is genuinely der to ask how ur day was……..what are u feeling rite now….. it is okay to be not okay…….. Just a call away… just a text away………. Ahh.. Those real human emotions… to smile… to laugh…….. to cry… weep….. talk stupidity… talk deep………… It has its own relaxing effect……..

I miss talking……..I genuinely miss texting….. I miss those calls... Ask me how do I miss? Let me say… I reread our conversation at least 10 times a day… Look at our photos together if any………. Look at ur dps on any media… Checking ur comment sections……Do others feel the same as I do? I laugh at the funniest comments… N get jealous of the flirtatious one…….. Because I know that this person is more than these superficial comment sections… I wish I was close to the person….. Give the warmest but the tightest hug… which I had forever saved for them… And hold their hands …n then whisper into their ears how much they mean to me………..

Aah…… Why do I get addicted to people??? Why can't I get angry at those who leave me scarred? I want that power to stop being nice… but I don’t know what holds me back... I just accept and just move forward silently…